Studies show that upwards of 95% of people have secrets. Many secrets are positive and can contribute to building closeness and empathy. In fact, keeping positive secrets has an energizing effect on people (M. Slepian et al 2023). Consider planning a surprise party for a treasured friend or relative. However, it is the negative side of keeping secrets that we are most concerned with in this month’s QOTM (Quote of the Month).
Keeping a negative secret (that which causes harm to a person(s) or entity) requires significant cognitive effort. Consider that keeping such a secret involves many parts of the brain, including the limbic, frontoparietal network, anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and the vegus nerve. So, sharing and “unloading” a negative secret can significantly reduce how hard the brain has to work. But because negative secrets can be harmful to the person keeping the secret, many people turn to lying – both to protect themselves, possibly hurt others and to, as mentioned, reduce the energy demands on their brain. According to research done at University of Massachusetts, 60% of people lie at least once every ten minutes and 60% of those lies are deliberately deceptive and potentially harmful to others.
Avoiding certain topics, changes in typical behaviours, contradictions, overly detailed explanations and fidgeting are all signs that someone is likely keeping a negatively impacting secret. Be vigilant. And do not ignore your gut when you think someone is harbouring damaging information!
Perform better!
